Sex-Calorie Chart
ACTIVITY
CALORIES 
BURNED
ACTIVITY
CALORIES
BURNED
REMOVING CLOTHES:
 
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
 
With partner's consent 
12
Shoes flew off
35
Without partner's consent
187 
Expression didn't change
1/2
UNHOOKING BRA:
 
Orchestra swelled
6
Using two calm hands
7
Birds sang  
Using one trembling hand
36
...Large birds
7
Lifting partner
15
...Small birds
3
Dragging partner on floor
16
Earth moved
30
Using a skateboard
3
PULLING OUT: 
 
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:
 
After orgasm................
 1/2
For normal healthy man
2.5
A few moments before orgasm
500
Losing erection
14
PENIS ENVY:
 
Searching for it
115
For a woman
3
PUTTING ON CONDOM:
  For a man
72
With erection
1.5
GUILT:
 
Without erection
300
Despite no formal training, orgasm comes easily
53
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:
  You're enjoying sex,despite the fact that other people are starving
If the woman who does it is experienced
6
Sex on your lunch hour
3
If the woman who does it is inexperienced
73
Putting it on expense account
20
If a man does it
680
AGGRAVATION:
 
Retrieving it from across the room
5
Partner keeps showing plants
5
ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:
  Partner insists on cuddling the dog during foreplay
14
Italian- Man on top,woman in kitchen
26
Partner visiting bathroom for 7th time
10
Russian- Woman on bottom, man getting permission
55
Partner taking phone calls
7
American- Both on top
60
Partner making phone calls
40
SIDE EFFECTS INTERCOURSE:
 
GETTING CAUGHT:
 
Bouncing
7
 By partner's spouse
60
Sliding around
9
By your spouse
100
Serious skidding
12
Trying to explain
55
Whiplash
27
Trying to remain calm
100
ORGASM:
  Leaping out of bed
75
Real
27
Getting dressed in one motion
500
Faked
160
Thanking partner quickly
2