Assignment: Please translate
the following song lyrics to standard English
This paper was turned in by an Oakland High
school student who received the highest honors at the school district's
translation competition.! |
| WARNING:
The below humor is based on the lyrics to some gangster rap "music." As
such, it discusses many topics that you might consider offensive such as
violence and sexual behavior. It is also fairly disrepectful towards women.
If any of that is a problem for you I suggest you choose a different joke
to read. |
Artist: Notorious B.I.G.
Album: Ready to Die
Song: One more chance (remix)
Lyrics:
First things first, I poppa, freaks all
the honeys
Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin'
money
Those the ones I like 'cause they don't
get nathan'
But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation
Garbage, I turn like doorknobs
Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever
However, I stay coochied down to the socks
Rings and watch filled with rocks
TRANSLATION:
As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual
acts with women of all kinds, including but not limited to those with limited
intellect, nude magazine models, and whores. I particularly enjoy sexual
encounters with the latter group as they are generally disappointed in
the fact that they only receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless
of course, they douche on a consistent basis. Although I am extremely unattractive,
I am able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some regularity.
Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and expensive jewelry. |
Lyrics:
And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi
Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes
creep me in they
tee pee As I lay down laws like I lay carpet
Stop it - if you think your gonna make a
profit
TRANSLATION:
I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car
stereo. Apparently, women enjoy this also because they become sexually
aroused when they see me driving. Oddly enough, when I visit the Native
American reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous Indian women
attempt to seduce me in their homes. Their intent is to divest me of my
earnings. Such actions are unacceptable. |
Lyrics:
Don't see my ones, don't see my guns - get
it
Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split
it
In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia
I don't know what the hell's stoppin' ya
I'm clockin' ya - Versace shades watchin'
ya
Once ya grin, I'm in game, begin
TRANSLATION:
Understand this fact: you can have neither
my money, nor my weapons. I suggest that you inform your peers that we
engaged in violent sexual acts. Currently, I am rapping with my associates,
the Junior Mafia. I'm having some difficulty understanding why you refuse
to approach me. I am attempting to make eye contact with you through my
expensives glasses, and as soon as you respond with a smile, I will approach
you. |
Lyrics:
First I talk about how I dress and this
And diamond necklesses - stretch Lexuses
The sex is just immaculate from the back
I get
Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the
Climax that your man can't make
Call and tell him you'll be home real late
Let's sing the break
TRANSLATION:
I prefer to open the conversation with light
banter about my wardrobe and jewelery, then I like to discuss my collection
of expensive cars. This is more than enough to convince you to have sexual
intercourse with me. I am able to insert my penis further into you when
I enter you from behind. Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm.
I understand this to be a problem with your current sexual partner. He
needn't be concerned about your whereabouts. Please phone him and inform
him that you won't be home for a while. By the way, please sing the chorus
of the song for me also. |
Lyrics:
She's sick of that song on how it's so long
Thought he worked his until I handled my
biz
There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans
Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan
Schemin' - don't bring your girl 'round
me
True player for real, ask Puff Daddy
TRNSLATION:
Your current love interest no longer wishes
to hear your fabrications about the length of your member. After I had
sexual intercourse with your woman, she became enlightened as to the proper
way it is supposed to be performed; violently and immorally. It would be
in your best interest to keep your woman away from me as my sexual prowess
is very strong. If you are unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy. |
Lyrics:
You - ringin' bells with bags from Chanel
Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel
Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell
She beeped me, meet me at twelve
TRANSLATION:
Despite the fact that you attempted to win
her at her doorstep with bags full of expensive clothes and a car (the
lower end model Mercedes Benz which you financed by signing over your current
vehicle) containing an expensive stereo and a cellular phone, your woman
has contacted me through my pager indicating that we should rendezvous
at midnight. |
Lyrics:
Where you at? Flippin' jobs, playin' car
notes?
While I'm swimmin' in ya women like the
breast stroke
Right stroke, left stroke what's the best
stroke
Death stroke - tongue all down her throat
Nuthin' left to do but send her home to
you
I'm through - can ya sing the song for me,
boo?
TRANSLATION:
You, on the other hand, jump from job to
job, barely able to maintain payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased
for your woman. Meanwhile, I continue to engage in sexual intercourse and
commit lewd osculatory acts with your women. My only remaining option is
to request that they leave my home and return to you because I have reached
orgasm and no longer have a need for their presence. |
Lyrics:
So, what's it gonna be? Him or me?
We can cruise the world with pearls
Gator boots for girls
The envy of all women, crushed linen
Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in 'em
The finest women I love with a passion
Ya man's a wimp, I give that ass a good
thrashin'
TRANSLATION:
The ultimate decision rests with you. Whom
do you choose as your sexual partner. I can take you on cruises around
the world. I will dress you in the finest jewelery and footwear. You will
be envied by women worldwide in your fine clothes and jewelery. There is
a special place in my heart for beautiful women. I will defeat your man
in an altercation because he is effeminate. |
Lyrics:
High fashion - flyin' into all states
Sexin' me while your man masturbates
Isn't this great? Your flight leaves at
eight
Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds
Lyrically I'm supposed to represent
I'm not only the client, I'm the player
president
TRANSLATION:
You will be dressed in finest clothes on
the runways of Paris. I will fly you to every state to shop for fine clothes
and jewelery. You will enjoy sexual intercourse with me and your man will
be forced to pleasure himself through manual stimulation. What a life!
I'll return you to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o'clock flight. The
timing is perfect because I have scheduled a date with a second woman who
arrives at the same gate at 9 o'clock. I'll seduce her in the same way
that I seduced you. I rap well and I am a positive reflection of my hometown.
Not only am I sexually deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute,
but I also sit on the board of directors of the organization that governs
others of my kind. |