Why is it good to have a blond passenger? Answer:You can park in the handicap zone.
Why is a blond like a turtle? Answer:They are both fucked when they're on their back.
What did the blond think of the new computer? Answer:She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Why don't blondes eat Jello? Answer:They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
What do you call a blond with a dollar on the top of their head? Answer:All you can eat, under a buck.
What important question does a blond ask her mate before having sex? Answer:Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
Why did the blonde put a candle in her navel? Answer:Her boyfriend liked eating by candle light.
How do blonde braincells die ? Answer:Alone.
How do you brainwash a blonde? Answer:Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
How do you change a blonde's mind? Answer:1) Blow in her ear.2) Buy her another beer.
How do you measure a blonde's intelligence? Answer:Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
How do you get a blonde pregnant? Answer:Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
How do you get a blonde to marry you? Answer:Tell her she's pregnant.
How does a blonde kill a fish? Answer:She drowns it.
A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? Answer:Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
How do you amuse a blonde for hours? Answer:Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
How does a blonde hold her liquor? Answer:By the ears.
How do you know a blond likes you? Answer:She screws you two nights in a row.
How does a blonde moonwalk? Answer:She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? Answer:The rest are hunt'n peckers.
What do you call a blond mother-in-law? Answer:An air bag.
What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity? Answer:B.J.
Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped? Answer:Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? Answer:To avoid the draft.
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours? Answer:Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee? Answer:It's too hard to re-train them.
What do blondes do for foreplay? Answer:Remove their underwear.
What's the mating call of the blonde? Answer:"I'm *sooo* drunk!"
What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? Answer:(Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
What's the mating call of the brunette? Answer:1) "All the blondes have gone home!"2) Has that blonde gone yet?3) When is that blond bitch going to leave!?
What's the mating call of the redhead? Answer:"Next!"
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Answer:Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? Answer:Trying to hold on to a thought.
Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? Answer:They don't know the route.
Why do blondes work seven days a week? Answer:So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? Answer:It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
What is foreplay for a blonde? Answer:Thirty minutes of begging.
What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet? Answer:Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? Answer:1) You need a quarter to use the phone.2) Only one person can use the phone at once.
What do the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? Answer:They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? Answer:"It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
How does a blonde commit suicide? Answer:She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
How do you plant dope? Answer:Bury a blonde.
Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses? Answer:Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? Answer:Wave to her.
How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex? Answer:She opens the car door.
How does a blonde get pregnant? Answer:And I thought blondes were dumb!
How does a blonde part their hair? Answer:1) (Action of scissoring legs apart)2) By doing the splits.
How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? Answer:Shine a torch in her ears.
How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? Answer:1)She drops her nail-file!2)Who cares?3) She says, "Next."4) The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.5) He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.6) I mean, who really cares?7) The batteries have run out.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Answer:Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? Answer:(With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
How do you kill a blonde? Answer:Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
How do blondes pierce their ears? Answer:They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
How does a blonde like her eggs? Answer:Unfertilized.
How do you drown a blond? Answer:1) Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.2) Don't tell her to swallow.3) Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? Answer:The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
How does a blonde high-5? Answer:She smacks herself in the forehead.
How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? Answer:Flattered.
What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? Answer:A know-it-all bitch.
What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde? Answer:One's a phony buck.
What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician? Answer:A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? Answer:One that never misses a period.
What does a blonde think an innuendo is? Answer:An Italian suppository.
Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands? Answer:Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.
What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o? Answer:Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? Answer:1) I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.2) Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.
Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses? Answer:She was having sunny periods.
What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant? Answer:Her feet!
How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose? Answer:When she farts, her knees bag.
What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist? Answer:Marriage.
How is a blonde like a frying pan? Answer:You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
How does a blonde interpret 6.9? Answer:A 69 interrupted by a period.
How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ? Answer:Tell them a joke on Friday night !
How do you describe the perfect blonde? Answer:3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
How do you confuse a blonde? Answer:You don't. They're born that way.
Why do blondes hate M&Ms? Answer:They're too hard to peel.
How do you drive a blonde crazy? Answer:Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.
Why does it work? Answer:"Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? Answer:You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? Answer:Proofreading.
Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? Answer:For throwing out the W's.
Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress? Answer:To keep her ankles warm.
How can you tell a blonde had a bad day? Answer:Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? Answer:Way to go team!
How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator? Answer:By the chipped tooth.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense? Answer:(I'll tell you tomorrow.)
How do you keep a blonde busy? Answer:Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? Answer:To keep from bruising their ears.
Why do blondes have vaginas? Answer:So guys will talk to them at parties.
Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm? Answer:She loves taking pictures (flashes, got it?).
What do you call a blonde with a runny nose? Answer:Full.
What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?" Answer:"No, I just lie there."
What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning? Answer:"Thanks, guys..."
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool? Answer:Air pockets.
What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? Answer:"Space. The final frontier......"
What's brown and red and black and blue? Answer:A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner? Answer:You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? Answer:So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? Answer:One.
Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ? Answer:She didn't know what ONE came first...
Why don't blondes talk when having sex? Answer:1) Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.2) Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? Answer:Divorced.
What do you call a blonde without an asshole? Answer:Divorced.
How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? Answer:Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
How is a blonde like a postage stamp? Answer:You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde? Answer:Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? Answer:She threw it off a cliff.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? Answer:She fell out of the tree.
How did the blonde die drinking milk? Answer:The cow fell on her.
How did the blonde burn her nose? Answer:Bobbing for french fries.
How can you tell which blonde is the waitress? Answer:She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
